Saturday, December 31, 2016

2016 - Tying the Knot



It is the last day of 2016. What is there to say? I haven’t written in awhile because something inside of me no longer encouraged me to share what I was experiencing, and that the experiences became increasingly powerful and authentic the more I incubated them. Only now I am called to finally tie a knot in this story and set sail on a new voyage. What that journey looks like, I know not, and only the strength of my faith joined with the grace of God keeps me afloat as I smile onward with joy in my heart.

I’ve returned home. If ‘home’ can be defined as the place I left 7 months ago. Do I feel home here? Sure. I felt home everywhere else I’d been though, too. Only now I am re-discovering old things that I left unused for so long, and picking them up they feel strange and unfamiliar in my hands. Some things I am even trying to grasp back onto because I know how much pleasure I derived from them in the past, only now to be clutching something yet still empty-handed. It is a funny thing, and I love it, and I am love with the entire process of reintegrating back into what I had left behind. It is strange to know that we can find joy no matter what, in any experience, and in those moments of liberation, a wonderful world opens up because no longer must I choose to see anything the same way, ever again. I am left in a kind of empty fullness, a spaciousness so vast that I can only ask for the courage to find things to put in it when I hear the echo of my own voice reverberating off into eternity.

Since coming back I have been fortunate enough to spend time with several close friends and also my immediate family over Christmas. There is no difference. People always say that when you go away for a time and do a lot of change them come back, everything is different. I don’t believe that because my experience says otherwise. Everything is the same in that it is perpetually undergoing change at the rate at which it should, and all we are here to do is acknowledge and recognize that it is all going according to plan. Which is perfect. If we go away and come back, and we think things are changing, I believe it is because we are starting to actually see the impermanence for the first time, usually we become afraid of how obvious the radical shifts and changes constantly are. Because then we are reflected back our own impermanence, noticing for the first time that there is no escape from the moment-to-moment deaths that occur when we actually embrace our ever-changing self. This is very difficult – it is the ultimate sacrifice; to give up everything we think we are, every instant that we become aware of our identifying with what we believe we are.

If anyone asked me why I’ve come home, or what I’m going to do now, I would have very certain and specific answers for each. “I was told to” and “I don’t know.” This doesn’t help anybody, least of all myself. I am still trying to determine why I knew beyond a doubt that it was time to come home, which what I mean when I say “I was told.” We are constantly receiving whisperings from deep within us, and in my journey abroad I learned to trust those messages. It is obvious to me to feel that there is a higher intelligence at hand in our Universe and I respect that above all else. So when it came to me as a flash of pure insight and filled me with energy, the only kind of energy that you know it is the obvious right answer, I went with it. Yet after committing to act, the second answer to this riddle is left blank. Which to me, is perfect – because I have an empty canvas that can be painted however I wish. Ultimately I know that I am here for three reasons – to give, love, and serve. What manifestation of those things comes about, I don’t know, I don’t care, and I love not knowing and not caring because it enables me to fully appreciate whatever comes and give myself totally to that endeavor. 

I didn't think I would be back so soon. In fact, I planned to be gone a lot longer. Potentially forever, even. So, it feels good to be back. Like, really good. Feeling the sun on my bare skin after months in the winter of cloudy, coastal England can only be described as getting a massage from photonic fairies. Seriously, it was nearly orgasmic – and I mean that literally. The sun isn’t the only thing I missed, and arriving back just reminds of all the things I’ve missed. See, when we’re gone and we are focused on appreciating what is in front of us, we don’t have time to think about the things that were cool back in that other place. Which is why our present moment awareness is such a gift. But when we return to an old place and take that present moment awareness there also, we reawaken to its beauty. And damn, Arizona, you are f#$%ing beautiful.

2016 was a big year. Overwhelmingly, epically, big. And we only accelerate. At the same time, we slow down. Our progress not a linear thing, but circular, and our circle only gets bigger with the same speed of rotation meaning we are covering more distance faster but remaining in the same spot. Does that make sense? I don’t know if it does – I like it though. Just like the Universe – a big ellipsis, we are within this as pure consciousness experiencing itself. Our experience of ‘itself’ is up to us to determine what and how much of that we make.


Thank you. Sincerely, from all aspects of me and everything I can muster. My gratitude extends to every being I’ve interacted with through this past year. I have been truly, incredible blessed and fortunate to have met so many really amazing people. My heart bursts at the thought of how much love I’ve received across the globe but also at home in Arizona. I bow to each of you and that pure light in your heart that has led me to you and you to me and allowed us to share our beautiful experiences together. We have really made an amazing leap forward as one and I rely upon your guidance to continue to keep me in check for 2017. After all – I’m only here for three reasons – to give, love, and serve. And I cannot do that without you. Thank you all – I love you. 

Monday, November 14, 2016

Should I do Yoga?


Should I do ‘yoga’? I love this question because it is completely irrelevant. You cannot ‘do’ yoga. Yoga is a state of being. It lost the more accurate ‘being-state’ definition during the thousands of years that passed since first being really expounded upon in the Yoga Sutras by Patanjali around the year 400 CE.  In this masterful piece of literature, Patanjali outlined eight steps to achieve this so-called yoga. He described what we have now come to know as ‘yoga’ as a state of union, which is a natural and spontaneous occurrence when certain conditions are met. When are totally one with something we are in union with that thing, we are in a state of yoga. This is perfect harmony with life. What better state could there be? Can we enter this state more frequently? Patanjali says we can, and I think we all do from time to time. But again, it is not something that we can do. It is something that arises, sorta like sleep. We can’t try to sleep – it just happens, if the right conditions are met. Of course, the idea here is that when we practice arranging the conditions appropriately, we set ourselves up to receive. We might have trouble sleeping on the floor in the middle of a concert (with or without alcohol), or laying down next to the road during a jog for a quick nap, just like we might have trouble entering a state of yoga in a panicked rush as we hurry our way out the door for our daily appointment. We practice things like a proper bed-time routine, by getting to bed at the same hour each night with some sort of habitual pattern such as brushing the teeth and a nightly read and suddenly the quality and efficacy of our sleep improves, and it arises much more naturally and rejuvenates us further. In the same way, we practice things like arranging our body in certain physical postures, we change our breathing consciously and the occurrence of yoga is a happening where we experience this state of being that Patanjali talked about.

I also love the question ‘should I do yoga?’ because everyone is already doing yoga. If we look at it as a practice, as we have come to define it in today’s age, everyone is practicing their own form of yoga, all the time. We are all yogis in our own right, let’s take some credit for it. It is a beautiful time to celebrate! Being a yogi is not something exclusive to people who attend a yoga studio in their hip yoga tights or burn incense in the wee hours of the morning to meditate. Yoga is absolutely inclusive and everyone is already experiencing it, in varying levels. What? How?

Yamas - The Don'ts 
We see yoga happen all the time in our lives if we refer to the first and second branches of yoga, known as the yamas and the niyamas. I like to think of them as the don’ts and the do’s. In the yamas, Patanjali talks about five things that we shouldn’t do, and the niyamas he talks about what we should do. They are basic and very common sense rules for life. We all inherently know what is ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’, these are obviously the don’ts. We certainly don’t want to hurt or kill other people, and this is the first ethical guideline of the first branch of the yamas. Pretty, “duh”, right? Take it a step further and we see that the actual translation of this first rule known as ahimsa and we see it means non-violence, because himsa = “violence” and the prefix a = “not”. While it is obvious that we shouldn’t all be killing each other, we also don’t want to think violent thoughts. Not towards others, and just as importantly not towards ourselves. We all inherently know that judging ourselves doesn’t help us get anywhere – it just keeps us stuck in a cycle of blame, embarrassment, shame, and self-criticism. All the same, judging others is a form of violating this principle of non-violence because we have on some level wished ill-will towards the other individual. If a person is better looking than me, makes more money than me, drives a better car than me, has a hotter girlfriend than me… whatever it is that I see in that person and judge them for it, subconsciously I am wishing that they lose what they have so that I no longer feel inadequate compared to them. What if I feel stuck in my judgments? In this case, instead of focusing on the don’t’s, what I shouldn’t do, maybe I can focus on the do’s, what I should do?

Niyamas - the Do's 
Good thing Patanjali says all I need to do is turn to the second branch of yoga, the niyamas,  and the 2nd principle of these universal guidelines says to practice santosha, or contentment. I saw that Wikipedia also translated it to mean: acceptance of others, acceptance of one’s circumstances in order to get past or change them, and optimism for self. If I am completely okay, content and accepting what I have, then I can actually feel joy for the person that I previously mentally harmed. Suddenly that first yama of non-violence is more easily achieved because I’ve abided by the related and equally important branch of niyamas. Patanjali really thought these things out! He knew that the mind won’t give up something until it has something better to hold on to, so we he created a whole system by which if you just pay attention to certain ways that you live your life, the experience of yoga will arise more spontaneously in everyday life. This is such an important fact to consider when we are all capable of living a life of peace, joy, and happiness if we just take simple actions that will arrange our inner state of being. We are all living yoga!

Asana - the physical
We are all doing yoga when we straighten our back in a chair because we realize that as the work piled on we became more and more slouched and at some point we realize our energy is being affected by our physical posture. We subconsciously understand body language and body posture and we are adept at reading it in other people. How could we ever forget that how we hold ourselves has an effect on our mood? We know from various modern science experiments that body posture has a powerful effect on our internal chemistry, changing hormone secretions and the electrical currents running through our body. We didn’t need to give the yogis meditating and practicing yoga in Himalayan caves test tubes and advanced diagnostic devices to tell them that! They had already figured it out thousands of years ago, through the experience of it. We have all experienced what it’s like to adjust our posture before walking in a room and if we haven’t – try it next time! In one science experiment that I’m sure a google search will find if you’re interested, they demonstrated how people’s feelings were drastically changed depending on how they entered a room, as well as how people perceived the person entering the room. It was a two-way street. A person who stepped into a room with their chest open and shoulders broad was perceived as more trustworthy, as well as the person themselves feeling more confident and trusted by those in the room. We pick up on these body signals in incredible detail and the complexity of it is lost by our intellectual minds, yet we remain extremely perceptive to even the smallest variances in posture. Children are the most obvious. Or perhaps dogs, who even less than children, have adapted to learn how to hide their actions from us. Ever come home to your trash dug through, a remote control chewed to bits or the sofa stuffing strewn across the floor? A dog’s body language says it all. A child who is caught in such an act with slump and try to shrink away. We adjust our physical posture in the practice of asana, the third branch of yoga, to change our mental state as well.  

Pranayama - the mental
Every time we take a deep breath, exhale a long sigh of relief, gasp out of fright or excitement, or hold our breath in anticipation – we are practicing one of the branches of yoga (the 4th of eight) known as pranayama, which is essentially a category of breathing techniques and exercises to gain mastery over one’s body and mind. Even laughing is a form of pranayama, and a very effective one for stress relief and giving rise to a natural feeling of joy in a person. Think about your last experience of a big belly shaking laugh and how that made you feel. This is pranayama, and one of the reasons how when we consciously practice these exercises that change the rhythm of our breath we can consciously effect our internal state.

Pratyahara - the spiritual
The moment we close our eyes to the world and search for our own inner guidance we are practicing the fifth branch of yoga known as pratyahara, which means to bring one’s awareness inwards. Instead of looking out into the world to receive our answer, we know that there is an inner abiding stillness that knows the truth about what is. At some point in our lives we all come to this profound realization that we actually do know what we need to do, but it doesn’t make it any easier to do that thing. We can consult with this inner voice at any time, because it is always with us, yet our courage to follow its guidance is another task altogether. Patanjali probably knew this was difficult, and that most humans would try and fail at following the inner voice. In fact I’m sure we can all attest to the fact that we are hearing it but not necessarily always following it. I’ll admit that I am. What makes these Yoga Sutras such a unique and powerful resource for us is that the more we practice the previous limbs, the preceding branches (in this case the yamas, niyamas, asana, and pranayama) the more we experience the natural strength to not just hear the voice that pratyahara reveals to us, but to act upon it. The experience of yoga becomes more and more frequent as we align all of the little practices together.

Dharana, Dhyana, and Samadhi
body, mind, and spirit come together as One
When we are completely absorbed in the act of whatever we are doing, we are doing yoga. Or perhaps now is the better time to use the appropriate definition, which is the ‘being-state’ of yoga that is arising. When we immersed in something we are utterly devoted to, we are experiencing yoga. Yoga, coming from the root word yuj which literally means ‘to yolk’, as I’ve mentioned before is a state of being and is perhaps best translated to mean ‘to unite’, ‘union’, or ‘to connect with’. So when we are playing with the kids, listening to our favorite song, strumming a tune on the guitar, painting a picture, writing, snowboarding, surfing… So many things can give rise to this ‘union’ called yoga! We are literally becoming one with the action that we are doing, and in this state of being, we are beyond the limited human emotions because we are in a totally peaceful state. Commonly referred to by athletes we are in the ‘state of flow’ with what we are doing. Paul McCartney from the Beatles said it perfectly, describing how he became completely open to a higher source of energy being channelled through him and it was like he and his guitar were just an instrument being played and he was watching the whole thing. We are so involved in the process that we lose our sense of self and a bigger energy takes its place. We are experiencing yoga. This is explained in the last three branches of yoga. The sixth and seventh branches of yoga known as dharana and dhyana, which generally translate to concentration or one-pointed focus, and uninterrupted attention.  The final eighth limb of yoga is the peak experience known as Samadhi, which is translated as “joining, combining with, harmonious whole.” We must first focus our energy and attention on getting up on the surfboard. Once our mind becomes singularly directed, the world falls away, and in a constant uninterrupted flow of attention our mind ceases to identify with itself and joins into the actual experience itself. We are suddenly the simultaneity of the experience, the experiencer, and the act of experiencing all wrapped into a perfect unity of consciousness through which the limited human experience is transcended and we are catapulted into Oneness that cannot be described. It can never be described, it can only be experienced.


We are all living yoga. We all experience the state of yoga from time to time. What we do, how we arrange the conditions to give rise to this condition, is a conscious choice that we can make. Whether or not we are determined to purchase a yoga mat and learn sun salutations, practice alternate nostril breathing, or do anything else ‘yoga-like’ is irrelevant. A person will begin to explore these more intentional practices when they are ready, when they want to explore the depths of consciousness that is available to every human being. We are currently living in the most advanced piece of technology in the entire Universe as we know it – the human body. We are so incredibly complex that we cannot use our minds to intellectually grasp the intelligence that flows through us. But we have tools available to us that allow us to uncover some of this seemingly infinite intelligence. When we are curious enough, we will begin to put a toe in the water. Once we find out it is actually warmer than we thought, we might start to put our foot in, and gradually submerge ourselves deeper and deeper into our own pool of consciousness. I, for one, totally intend to do a full cannonball, but I am still working up the courage. Our potential is infinite – we only need to realize it.